Threats of custody?

[Leanne&5children]

Hi

After some advice, Partners ex keeps threatening to give us his daughter full time as apparently, she can't handle her and we have given her an attitude problem. The problem is she retracts this statement every so often. it will go quiet for a few weeks maybe a month then starts again.
I have discussed with my partner and agree we want whatever is best for his daughter and if that means living with us full time, then thats fine. We have and have had regular contact for the last 7ish years which fits around my partners shifts. My partners name is not on his daughters birth certificate as she keeps refusing to put it on, but it has been proved that he is the biological father.
Also not sure if she is saying it as she knows partner will be made redundant in Oct and therefore will not be getting her monthly payment (agreed amount between them, she cancelled CSA).

We just want what is best for her, in the long run. We would never stop her from seeing her mum and siblings, but want thiese threats to stop.

Thanks
Leanne

[Lawyer Mark]

Hi Leanne, thanks for your question. It is not entirely clear what it is you are looking to happen, but I will try to cover most areas. If you consider that the living arrangements need to be changed or formalised then the best and most effective way to do this would be to mediate. I can suggest some names of mediators who will meet with you both (you don't have to be face to face with your partner's ex if you think this will cause more problems than it will solve) and the mediator will help you both come to a resolution that you are happy with. This is far more cost effective then seeking any kind of court order.

If you are actually happy with the current arrangements and it is merely the threats and comments that you would like to stop, I would suggest you either just treat them as hot air and try to ignore them, tell her that rather than keep making threats she either does something about it (ie mediate) or stop making threats without substance, or have a solicitor (I'm happy to assist) write to her advising her that the threats are unsettling to the child and not in the best interests of the child and need to stop, or that if there is a genuine concern that it be resolved by mediation or court proceedings.

I hope this helps but if I have misunderstood or you want more clarification, do please let me know.

[Leanne&5children]

Thanks for your advice, we are going to sit down over next few days and discuss what we want to do. quite possibly go down the mediation route.

[Lawyer Mark]

Leanne, I think that is a very sensible thing to do. If you suggest it and she refuses then at least you have tried to be as reasonable as possible.

If do decide to go down the mediation route let me know and I can put you in touch with some excellent Mediators. I'm a big fan of mediation as it is far cheaper than getting involved in legal proceedings (though sometimes these are inevitable and neccessary if the parties are too confrontational or their aims are too far apart), but there are a lot of mediators who have come onto the scene recently and their abilities vary greatly.

Let me know how it goes.

regards
Mark