Kids = No time

[libralady]

I am not sure if this is the right place to be posting this, so feel free to move it Lou.

Just a general woe is me thread I think.

Lots of things are really getting me down at the moment, I seem to be getting less and less time with Ian, my kids as much as I love them, they won't leave us alone, they seem to want to spend every minute in the same room as us and quite frankly I am getting sick of it I have spoken to them but nothing seems to work, I have even thought about booking a short break away just so we get some time. It doesn't help the fact that their dad hasn't seen them since Xmas so they haven't been staying there, cos when they go there Ians parents sometimes have Christian and we get a much needed break.

I am tired all the time so that is not helping but when I look at what gets done in a day I am not surprised. I have got 3 kids, a fairly big house, lots of washing, ironing, cooking and cleaning and then to top it all off I have a very demanding job. By no means do I think I am superwoman but some days I find it a struggle.

I don't seem to see anyone anymore, if I am not at work I seem to spend all my days on my own, unless I go and see mine or Ians parents. I don't make as much of an effort to be fair and that has got a lot to do with my past and the fact that I used to chase a lot of my friends and I vowed not to do it anymore so I suppose I don't which obviously doesn't help. I feel used by some friends I had a phonecall from a so called 'friend' that I haven't spoken to in well over a year cos he wanted me to bid for something on ebay for him as he hasn't got an ebay account, muggings here did it, but maybe I shouldn't have done Ian was furious when he found out.

Sorry to go on and I feel really silly writing this down as there as so many people with bigger problems than this but it really is all getting me down. I start my counselling on the 29th which I am not looking forward to as I just think it is going to bring so much to the surface that I am going to feel worse than I do now.

If you have read this thanks for getting this far and thanks for letting me get this off my chest. x x

[teenyweens]

Oh hugs, it's really good that you're sharing your feeling as you're normally a private person.

I'm coming over next week huns where you like it or not. It's already marked on my calendar (23rd March).

Sending much love and loads of hugs. You know me am rubbish at calling and meeting up! xxx

[artyfartymack]

Diane dont feel bad if we are honest this is a bug bear of all parents. it does not matter how much you love and want your children there is still a bit of you that needs to remain you and have some quality adult time.

People have slammed me for it in the past but I stand by my decision to make the most of childcare, grandparents and friends who like spending time with Tom to ensure I get quality adult time, either by myself or with Stu. I too hold down a very demanding job, run my own business and somehow keep the house relativly in order and it's hard there is no denying it.

You are a fantastic mother but remember you are still you and I firmly beleive that a happy and contented mother is a much more fun parent. Take some time to chill without the kids and they will reap the rewards when you do spend time together.

A break away or a night out could be just the thing your looking for, either that or lock yourself in the bathroom with lots of nice smellies and a big bottle of wine and ban the rest of the family from coming in (take some ear plugs to drown them out).

(((hugs)))

[Schmushe]

You need to get back into your nights away from the kids with just you and Ian. Send them to the cinema or something for a bit and gfrab a few hours peace.
There are plenty of us (me included) who will come and sit with the kids while you go out if childcare is a problem, I am sure Daniel could deal with everything if need be!!
I often feel we dont get time together, so I am very strict with bedtimes, or we wouldnt have 'alone time'. I know mine are younger though so it might change as time goes by.
I dont have anything I can say that can make things easier - we are all there if you need to rant (I am sure BT would be happy :-) ) and if you fancy some company, give me a shout too - I dont do much cause Alexas at pre-school in the morning.

I will say though, counselling will make you feel crappy for the first few weeks cause its getting things out in the open and actually saying things out loud that you've kept to yourself. You know how I am after mine!

(((HUGS)))

[weezypops]

My parents always used to have a bedtime for us where we had to go upstairs, then a settling down time which would be an hour or two later, which meant they always got a bit of time to themselves in the evenings while we were upstairs playing, doing homework, watching TV or something like that. I imagine this would be hard to bring in now though.

I do think you need the odd night out together - there's nothing wrong with getting a bit of couple time every once in a while. Is Daniel responsible enough to be in charge of the other two do you think?

[sheeina]

i dont have the same life so i cant understand fully but
i have a house to run with all the normal stuff to do. i work (granted only 20 hours week) but its nights.
my week is mainly the same.
nights really is a passion killer lol.
george does have a regular bedtime everynight! and he has a routine with most things ie eating but this still doesnt leave much time. he goes to bed at 6:30-7pm so once we have baths dinner clean its bed time.
last time i was so tired after a hard few days i was in bed from 8??? i didnt even do the ironing from yesterdays washing (i know bad wife)

if you find any answers with this pass them on!!!!
hope you feel better soon. ((hugs))

along with me being poorly all this year i feel as if ive not seem my husband lol.
i do get where you are coming from.

[libralady]

[quote="weezypops
I do think you need the odd night out together - there's nothing wrong with getting a bit of couple time every once in a while. Is Daniel responsible enough to be in charge of the other two do you think?[/quote]

I leave Christian with him for 7 hours a day sometimes when I work but I don't trust him to be left with Louise as they get caught up in chit chat and sometimes forget Christian is here.

I suppose what I also concerned about is that Ian will just up and leave as they aren't his kids, I am worried that the situation will bring him down so much that he will walk away, he treats the kids as his own and is a far better father to them then their own dad is, but obviously there are boundaries and he is very careful not to cross them so most of the telling off and talking to come from me.

I just feel really lonely a lot of the time, my parents unfortunately are not the easiest people to speak to, they never seem to be interested in anyones problems only their own, and I don't want to burden anyone else with my problems so I suppose I tend to keep a lot of stuff bottled up.

[weezypops]

Obviously you know Ian better than anyone but he seems to be a great dad to your kids - all three of them. I'm sure he had plenty of time to know what he was getting into and I think you need to trust that he is happy to stay because he loves you all. You say yourself he is a better father than their own dad so give him some credit - he's not going anywhere!

Do you think it might be okay leaving them for an evening once Christian is in bed though? That way even if they do get caught up chatting he'll probably be asleep for most of it. Perhaps you could just go somewhere locally like the Bell for dinner and check in every now and then with them so that you know you're able to get home really quickly if need be.

[weezypops]

I do think everyone feels like this from time to time though - Kester and I have had the odd night out on our own recently but haven't been out together for a couple of months. I would really like us to just go out for dinner or something but don't want to take advantage of mum and dad who are pretty much our only babysitters.

[nubs]

Aww Dianne hugs

We have a very strict upstairs by 7am unless something is going on but this has happened since both boys were 6 weeks so a good routine!
I hate never really having us time where I am not doing something around the house

[libralady]

I think we just need to be firmer, have told them I want them upstairs at 9pm as this will now become mine and Ians time to watch tv, chat etc. I know they won't go to sleep at that time but at least if they are out the way we can shut the door and have 'us' time.
I spoke to Ian earlier and he wants to go out for dinner, cinema or whatever at least once or twice a month now, and I am inclined to agree with him. I think we have got to start thinking about us, its not cos we don't love the kids anymore but I really do think this is much needed. There will be times when we hire a film, play Wii when I am will be more than happy to join in, but they are not very socialable with us anyway Dan spends the whole evening texting and Lou spends the whole time on facebook, I just think they are scared they are going to miss something.

Thanks for the replies girls I do appreciate it. x x

[nubs]

Are generations changing at Dans and lou's age I could think nothing worse than sitting with my parents I think I was out most of the time x

[Gina73]

Dianne, it must be very hard working full time hours and having to keep the husband and kids happy, I only work 25 hours a week and struggle to find time to do everything. I agree we need to make more of an effort in staying in touch with each other. Although the counselling will be hard to start with it will hopefully make you feel better in the long run.

Maybe agree with the kids to have one evening a week where you do stuff as a family, whether it be watch a DVD or play Wii. The rest of the evenings they stay in their rooms after 9pm. Say it will make you alot happier and then home life will be happier. Am sure they have enough stuff to keep them occupied during the evening in their bedrooms lol.

I also think at least once a night out a month is not too much to ask for and if you stay local then if you leave Dan in charge and Christian is in bed I cant see a problem. As long as they can reach you then it is fine.

Will text you and arrange for an afternoon meet with you, would be good to see you xx

[Schmushe]

Click Click Click Click

[libralady]

Will text you and arrange for an afternoon meet with you, would be good to see you xx

Thanks Gina that will be nice be good to see you too x x

Click Click Click Click

He has swapped phones with Lou thank goodness and he has been with her all day and is now on his way home but that probably won't stop him clicking away into the night