Abortion

[Lou]

My friend just had an abortion and I think its really wrong. I'm finding it hard to speak to her because i don't know what to say and she isn't the person i thought she was - i don't know how anyone who is right in the head could do this and so I think I would have to say something if I saw her. I'm not really the quietest person as you can probably tell so I don't know if i could bite my tongue.

[Schmushe]

Lou - everyone has an individual approach about abortion and I think it is a personal choice, obviously your friend felt that she wasnt in the right situation to raise a child and that is something that is a very hard decision to make.
I can appreciate you dont approve of it, and many people dont, but it might be best to bite your tongue, as you may end up losing a good friend over it.

[XxJack~AcexX]

I agree huno.
Abortion is something that i dont agree on, however you never no the reasons behind and abortion, if i found out that i was carrying a child with severe disabilitys then i dont think i could give them the life and the attention that they would need.
Everyone is different and my DH and I have spoken about this and if it ever needed to happen then we would do what we thought was best for the child at the time.

This topic could go on and on and be taken the wrong way but again everyone is different and have there reasons. x

[Gina73]

I agree, abortion is a personal choice, there are many different reasons that someone has one. I agree with Gemma, if I was pregnant with a child that would have severe disabilities and not much of a life then I may make that decision to abort. However I dont feel it is a form of contraception.

[weezypops]

I agree with Michelle, whatever your opinion on the matter, if you want to keep her as a friend it's best you keep quiet about it. I am pro-choice and believe that the majority of women who have abortions have good reasons for them. Whether or not you agree the reason is good enough, I really don't think there are many people who do it without much thought.

[nubs]

My friend had an abortion about 8 yrs ago, quite far along too as the doctor done a test and then got them mixed up and told her she wasn't pregnant when she was, any how my friend asked for my support during this time, I helped her but I did say to her that I wasn't happy about it as she wasn't using contraception and if you play with fire you will get burnt. Needless to say the relationship she was in broke down and years later she still says 'what if... I had had the baby?' ' they would be so old now' so it does affect her just as bad and wasn't just at selfish decision to make, though I don't agree with it sometimes its for the best and everyone has their own reasons x

[sheeina]

this shocked me a little i must admit.
im not going to get into rights and wrongs of this as my reasons may not be right for another person.
im lucky to have friends and im sure if they choose to do something personnal i wouldnt judge them for it.
but we are all different.

[Lou]

Maybe you are all right and i should shut my mouth but i do think it is murder so i find it hard to do that. i wouldnt keep quite if someone was abusing their children and I dont think its diffrent really.

[rachel jane]

I don't think its murder thats a bit harsh i would support my friends if they decided a termination was the best thing its a very hard decision to make and it wouldn't be made any easier by a "friend" telling them its murder. Everyone has their own opinions on termination but i have known lots of people it has happened to and it still affects them now but they know they made the right decision. I don't agree when people aren't careful and use it as a form of contraception thats wrong.

[Gillybean]

i have had a termination 3 1/2 years ago as we felt are family was complete and couldn't cope with a 3rd child and without work money is tight. I beleive every woman has a choice, and having a child just because you are pregnant may be detrimental to your situation and could even cause a break up or financail meltdown. You can never afford a child as such unless you are very well off, and I felt bringing a child into the world when we at that time and still are on benefits with 2 other mouths already to feed was not fair on the children we already had emotionally and would have put us in financial strain, as it is we manage our money ok and make sure our 2 children don't go without but if I had had the 3rd child I could not gaurantee that child would have had all the things our 2 already get. As it is we are dealing with a child who may have a disabilty of sorts that could be life long although not severe it is stressfull and another child who has mild encopresis which we battle on a daily basis and they both are enough to keep us busy.

If I had found out i was more than 10/12 weeks gone I would have gone on with the pregnancies but as I was only 4 weeks I felt it wasn't formed enough to be a child as such although I do think occassionally what that child may have been like and what we may have called it, but I believe we made the right descion but would never judge another woman for making that choice, it is not an easy descion to make and I have to live with that choice forever.

[karem]

ummmm...this is a rare chance to speak my mind...so I'm going to take it. I honestly do not understand the concept of abortion being a choice, because women have the right to decide over their bodies or their circumstances. Genetically, the baby is ad independent entity from the woman -is as much part of her body as the five-year old hanging to her skirt. If you have some sort of implant, you undestand that it is in you, but not part of you. I don't see how the baby is different.

Then the idea that it is okey to abort a child because is not fully formed...when does it stop? A child is not fully formed until it reaches puberty, so shall we have the right to kill all pre-teens? I have been wondering if all those child-murders by parents is not somehow influenced by abortion, by the idea that a child is a disposable thing if it gets in the way or people's ambition, desires or needs.

Some people argue that sometimes abortion is necessary because of economical or emotional problems ocurring at the time of the pregnancy. Would you kill your one-day-all because that day you lost your job or the father walked away? Most likely not. And yet it's okey today if the same situation occurs a few weeks earlier. And let's be honest. This is no Africa nor Asia nor Latin America, where children starve to death due to poverty. Although it is true that sacrifices most be made in hard situations, it is also true that there is help outhere for those who need it. As for abortion been carried out due to mental anguish...helllo...this is the 21st century. Mental anguish is our spiritual twin. If we killed our one-year-old because we could not cope with the responsability or were too worry thinking about the future, with terrorists, economic melt-downs, rising university prices, and broken down families, we would, at best, go to looney house.

Other people argue that abortion is an option if you know your child will have a dissability or a serious condition. Imagine if Stephen Hawkin's mum had known that the baby in her womb would grow to be seriously dissable and most likely die in his 20s, and she, like some, would have decided to abort, to save the baby and her family the agony. What a loss of a genius! Ask most parents of dissabled children and, whilst admitting to difficulties, big and small, they also admit how they value and love their child and how the experience, with all its pain and challenges, has enrich their lives.

Then we have the 'woman's rights and options' camp. Women DO have options: they can choose no to have sex, they can choose to use contraception, they can choose to have sex with stable partners, they can choose to have the baby and adapt to their new circumstances, and in extreme circumstances, they can choose to give their child for adoption or foster care. If a woman has a baby and kills it a few minutes after birth, she is consedered a criminal and charged as such. Is she does the same thing, through a doctor, a few weeks earlier, she is using her law-given right to follow her desiered life-style.

Not having been born in the UK, one of the things that most bothers me about abortion is the idea that I must be okey with it, accept it as a personal choice and pretty much look the other way, because it is sanctioned by the government. If tomorrow the government decided it was okey to kill Alzeimer patients (after all, they are not really here anymore) or anyone over 80's (you know, the economy) it would be legal, like aboortion. But like abortion, it would still be a murder, and it would still be wrong.

[BrandonsMum08]

Wow Karen, that was a really well written argument to this post. I enjoyed reading your side, however, i dont agree with all you said.

I dont like the thought of abortions, but god forbid if anything ever happened where i had to seriously think about it, i quite like the fact i have a choice.
I dont agree with women who use it as a form of contraception, but in your argument you say about no sex, contraception, partners and adoption etc. Firstly, accidents still happen with contraception, none of them have 100%. Secondly, why should a woman have to abstain to prevent pregnancy if she is taking precautions that MAY fail. Thirdly, partners dont really come into it, you could be in a long term loving relationship, but circumstances mean you cant raise a child yet, or anymore add anymore children to the family and not want to abstain so take precautions, but again accidents can still happen. And last of all, arent there enough children out there in the care system?! Too many that already want to know why they were given away.

Also, what if a pregnancy puts the mothers life at risk? Should she go ahead and possibly lose both their lives? If she already has children, should she carry on knowing it could be fatal, then leaving her older children without a mother?

There are so many sides that could be thrown into this discussion, but i think CHOICE is the way foward.

EDIT: And if we go to the extreme, what about the poor women who are raped? Should they have to bear the child of a rapist? And the young girls/teenagers that are raped by family members? Forgetting the one who was raped, how would you feel if you was that child that was the result of involuntary insest?

[karem]

Hi BrandonMum

I do see your point. It's true that accidents do happen, but most the solution be death? I know at least four people, close friends and relatives who got pregnant accidentally, three of them in their teens, two of them single mothers. They chose to have their children. It wasn't easy, but they found support in their families and friends and today are happy, yummmy-grandmas. And I come from a country where there are not benefits, and none of my friends were rich, nor even-middle class. Actually they were poor, third-world poor and spite of it all, they found a way to support themselves, their child, eventually study and get a career.

I know that not every one gets a helping hand, but like a said, there are ways. I see here economical support for children; coupons for milk and vegetables; free health care; emotional support for parents; free activity for children; free education; free school supplies; charity shops were clothes is so cheap it's almost a joke; support to get a skill; suppport to get a job; free or really cheap play groups. So what is it that you feel you cannot give a child? A Wii Nintendo? A holiday in France? A child needs love; shelter, clothes and food; helath care and education -and most of this, if not all, is provided, free to all of children -except the love part. Is it too much to ask for mothers or parents to love their children, to adapt themselves to the circumstance and be good parents?

I see women sacrificng themselves to have a career; to get a degree; to loose weight; to follow the Jones. I don't see why a life, specially your child's it's not worth the same level or work. As for the poor woma being rape, again, I come from a country where, until 50 years ago, most children born in haciendas and platations were fathered that way. It still, sadly, happens today. And yet, most of those children are born and loved and care for.

I do agree that if it's a extreme case, where the woman's life is in danger, and hence the pregnancy could not be carry to full term, abortion should be an option. But it should be treat it for what it is: a tragedy, not a matter-of-fact medical procedure. I often wonder about women who had and abortion and then had children...don't they ever aske themselves, what if? What's the difference between the child running in the backyard and the one aborted in the hospital? Technically, nothing. They were both her children. The only difference is that she decided to give one a chance at life, and deny the other the same opportunity.

And it most be so sad to know that.

[karem]

Hi BrandonsMum
I hope I didn't sound too hars. But abortion is something really bothers me, and yet I find very little oppotunity to express what I really think. Thank you listening!!

[BrandonsMum08]

Its not all as simple as that regarding benefits etc.
Me and my partner have a 3 bedroom house, with a mortgage. I am a stay at home mum, and he works full time, but with irregular shift patterns. He earns a good wage. However with just him working, if our mortgage rate goes up, we would definately not be able to afford another child. I dont mean all the material things, but essentials like food, gas for cooking and heating. Were only striving at the moment because it is summer and we dont need our lights on for so long, or the heating on at all. But because of the wage my partner earns, we are entitled to NO benefits to help us with those things.
Also because of his shift patterns, it means i cannot get a job to fit around him and i dont have anyone to look after our children as my dad wouldnt do it, and my mum passed away when i was a teenager. I have no friends left that are local that could help me out either. The only time i will be able to work is when my children are at school, and thats only IF i can find a part time job thats local and will fit in with school hours.

To add to all of that, my sons behaviour is really trying, and my daughter is ridiculously clingy and doesnt sleep very well. If i fell pregnant now, because i have no support network of friends or family, i wouldnt be able to continue with the pregnancy. A 3rd child would ruin what little sanity i have left right now, and id rather muddle through and love my 2 children now and them be happy, than have a breakdown and not be able to love any of them if i had a 3rd. As they say - A happy mummy = a happy child.