"Don’t say no to sex, even if you are not ready"...

[weezypops]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... thers.html

Don’t say no to sex, even if you are not ready, childcare guru Gina Ford tells new mothers
By ELEANOR HARDING

Rekindling the passion: The childcare writer said women should start showing sexual interest in their man four to six weeks after having a baby - even if they don't feel like it.

New mothers should make themselves have sex with their partner soon after giving birth – even if they do not feel ready, a childcare guru has claimed.

Gina Ford, Britain’s most popular childcare writer, said women should show sexual interest in their man four to six weeks after having a baby.

The controversial advice is published in The Contented Mother’s Guide, which aims to tell women how to stay intimate with the father of their child.

It warns that men can sometimes feel ‘emotionally closed out’ by a lack of intimacy following the birth of a baby. One section dedicated to sharing advice from other women even advises ‘sometimes you may just have to grin and bear it’.

The claims have alarmed some experts, who say new mothers are under tremendous pressure in the months after giving birth.

The book also includes tips such as: ‘Arm yourself with post-birth essentials such as massage oil and take things slowly.’

It also advises couples to leave their newborns at home to go on ‘date nights’.

In an interview ahead of the book’s publication, Miss Ford, a former maternity nurse, said new parents needed to get ‘that side of life’ back as quickly as possible.

The divorcee, who has never had children but has made millions from her childcare manuals, added: ‘It’s up to parents to decide, but after about four to six weeks I encouraged every family I worked with to go out for a lovey-dovey afternoon or evening when they got glammed up and were not allowed to talk about the baby.

‘In my experience, couples who do this in the early days find it easier to go out than couples who have not left the baby with anyone else for the first six months.

‘Most of the men I speak to are pretty patient – they understand that their wife is not going to feel up to it for a few weeks or months, but problems come when they are closed out emotionally.

‘The longer a mum puts it off and doesn’t talk to her husband, the harder it gets.’

Miss Ford has been criticised for her views, such as those in 1999’s The Contented Little Baby Book, which urges new mothers to let their babies cry themselves to sleep via her ‘controlled crying’ technique. The most controversial tips in her new book come from mothers who have contributed to the forums on her website, Contentedbaby.com.

One writes: ‘The thought of sex can be worse than the action. A bit like going to the gym – you can’t be bothered to go, but once you are there you enjoy it and feel better after.’

Other tips include getting in the mood by drinking wine and dressing up, but also that ‘sometimes you may just have to grin and bear it’.

Miss Ford said women should not feel pressured into anything, but added that a healthy sex life makes a big difference.

However, Justine Roberts, co-founder of parenting website Mumsnet, said: ‘I’m not sure a strict routine for getting back in the saddle after having a baby will go down too well with new mothers.

‘It sounds like Gina’s new book should be called The Contented Father’s Guide, rather than The Contented Mother’s Guide.’

Relationship therapist Julia Armstrong added: ‘Every relationship is going to be different. What is key is that the couple learns to listen to each other.

‘The woman may be feeling tired and suffering from the trauma of birth. Equally, the man may be feeling pushed out. You can’t put a time limit on something like this.’

Belinda Phipps, of the National Childbirth Trust, said: ‘No mum should be pressured into having sex before she is ready.

Relationships are under pressure but they can strengthen at this time, sharing the joys of your new role together.

‘It’s not all about sex. Keeping well away from this guilt inducing book would also be a very good way to help.’

[weezypops]

Personally, I dislike Gina Ford with a passion, and this is not making me warm to her any further. I agree that it's important to rekindle things as soon as you can, especially after your first when it can seem a bit daunting, but I very very much think this is when you're ready, not when you think you should - for some people that could be a few weeks, for others a few months. I just think if your body has not physically recovered you could do much more harm than good, and if you're not emotionally ready for whatever reason, you will just end up resenting your partner.

Yes, go out on a date or something, but the idea that women should just have sex before they are ready because their men might get a bit fed up is ridiculous - you wouldn't say this to your teenage daughter, so why is it different for adults? If you're having trouble connecting emotionally, it's something you need to address, sex or no sex. And god, if a man feels distanced from his wife/girlfriend because of a baby, maybe he should try getting a bit more involved in it all!

Also, I get particularly annoyed (about this and many things relating to Gina Ford) that she feels she can comment on this despite having never had a baby. I've been pretty lucky in that I only needed a couple of stitches with Felix and none with Iris, and we did manage to get back on the wagon, so to speak, pretty quickly, but in the first few weeks everything is so uncomfortable, someone who has never had a baby would not have any idea how it feels!


Sorry, bit of a rant!

[Jenn]

I also do not like Gina Ford - although I do feel that a lot of the time her comments in her books are taken way out of context and plastered over the media. However - she does say a lot of ridiculousness too! (I've just thrown out a few of her books that were freebies with magazines!)

As you say - you would not tell your daughter to do it just because he wanted her to!

[nubs]

Is she really a man???
Having felt like I had been hit by a truck and then reversed over again,in those first 6 weeks after having jack plus having bowling balls for boobs sex was not on the agenda, tbh I think Tom was too traumatised too. Sam was different - some people are even bleeding over 6 weeks later - I know I was both times! Plus having major surgery was off putting for us both for fear of something happening to my wound!
Having not had children this so called expert needs to get up the duff and experience what she is so opinated on!

I agree with you Lou if a father feels excluded he should step up!

[XxJack~AcexX]

Haha Kris love the wording huno. Im with you on that one huno x

[BabyDoula]

It made my blood boil too, so sad that vulnerable new mothers will buy this book and set themselves up to feel failures.

My friend and colleague wrote this and it's had huge interest since she posted it!

http://babycalm.wordpress.com/2012/03/0 ... ford-28-2/

X

[weezypops]

Ooh, I saw that - great response!

[Jeanette]

It made my blood boil too, so sad that vulnerable new mothers will buy this book and set themselves up to feel failures.

My friend and colleague wrote this and it's had huge interest since she posted it!

http://babycalm.wordpress.com/2012/03/0 ... ford-28-2/

X

Excellent reading.

[Debbie Sheppard]

Sarah's open letter to Gina Ford is brilliant! How dare a woman who has never had children tell new mums what to do? Gina Ford's 'parenting' advice is bad enough- now she has to come out with this rubbish! My daughter will be 19 this year but I can clearly remember the midwife asking me, when she was two days old, what I was going to do about contraception. I said I was going to just say 'no'

[supasista]

This is just ridiculous. I can't understand the logic. Sex is for two people who are willing, so what's the point of it if one of them is not?

[weezypops]

You'd have to wonder what sort of man would actually want to have sex with someone who was still in pain and really didn't want to do it too, wouldn't you?