fear of dying

[Jenn]

I know this sounds silly but I am so petrified of going through labour and dying and leaving William without a mum!

Not told anyone - wanted to tell my midwife but I take WIlliam with me to the appointments and don't want to say anything infront of him!

I think it may be because I had a very bad reaction to the lignocaine used for stitches last time and I am petrified they will give me something and I will react again. My fear calmed down a bit when I found that I didn't need a c- for placenta previa - I couldn't cope with the thought of an epidural. But now - it is just as bad and keeps me awake for hours on end.

I don't really know what to do.

I am hoping that just telling someone. telling the friends and people I know on here that it might ease my head a little.

I know it's highly unlikely - I know I will look back at this message in 2 weeks and laugh at how silly it all is and how stupid I feel for even worrying about stupid things but I feel like - if I don't tell someone - then I will just explode.

Thanks.

[sheeina]

i mean this in the nicest way possible.

i think you are over thinking and over panicing.
i know labour is not nice and sometimes it can be very scary.
but you have done it once and your here, well and able to look after you family the way you would have before labour.

maybe you can speak to someone to try and find a way of breathing or chanting way forward in labour.
they wont give you anything! and dh will be with you and he can make sure of this.

i had a epidural and really nothing to ride home about! promise!!! in fact i had three (lol they wouldnt stay in)

try not to think of all the bad things about labour. iknow its hard.
you can do this and you know you can!

[rachel jane]

Jenn this is completely normal i felt this everytime i was in that lead up to my babies being born. You have all these crazy hormones going through you and you wouldn't be normal if you didn't think like this. When you go into labour tell your midwife your fears and they will be extra sympathetic and if your extra lucky my midwife friend might be on there when its your time and i will tell her to take extra special care of you.
My 1st labour wasn't what i expected and i had an epidural, episiotomy and was nearly going to have a section but they got her out with forceps the little bugger (LOVE HER) and my 2nd well i was old school and pushed him out 19 months later with only a tiny tear which didn't need stiches at 4.34am and i was home by 9am so every labour is different and when you have your 3rd that one will fly out!
A calmer you will make an easier birth Jenn so try to relax about it all and just think this time next month it will all be over and you will have your lovely baby boy.x

[Jenn]

You see thats what I don't understand. I am very calm about the actual labour. It will happen when it happens and not much I can do about it. I am open and relaxed and ok - not looking forward to it - but on the plus side once it is done with I might stop being sick. I am not actually worried about the labour - William wasn't that difficult (massive tear but that didn't matter). It's odd - as I say - not worried about the labour but worried about dying.

I know it is irrational but I can't bear the thought of not being here for William and I am so glad that I've told someone! I've said this before but a problem shared is really and honestly a problem halved!

I am going to sit and write my birth plan tomorrow. I will write in there how I feel.

[BirthAffinity]

Firstly, you are not the only person to have felt like this, and I'm also certain you won't be the last...sometimes having that little person to worry about already makes it much harder next time round...I had some feelings like this with my third, which were unresolved and I believe contributed to my slightly dysfunctional labour and birth...my first births were very straightforward home births with no pain relief, but with my third I felt a niggling anxiety throughout pregnancy, which instead of dealing with, I tried to ignore...I then had to face it during the birth, which was really not the time to be trying to find a coping mechanism for it!!! You are right in saying writing it down, sharing the fear or anxiety helps it to be diminished and recreates some realistic perspective on the situation. Dealing with any residual anxiety or fear can be done through trying to identify what exactly it is you think might cause you to die and find a way to eliminate it as far as possible. For eg, you say you fear that you may be given a drug which you react to, so you can ensure that it is documented all over your notes in red not to give you this drug, make sure you have an allergy bracelet put on you if you are having a hospital birth (these are usually red and we write the names of the drugs you are allergic to on them), talk to your midwife about the your analgesia options and get referred to see anaesthetist if you were originally planning an epidural still want one, but scared of potential reactions....you can do "letting go" exercises, such as writing your anxieties and fears down on pieces of paper. You can then acknowledge their existence rationalise and reframe your perception of them and then begin to let the anxiety and fear go, by throwing them away, burning them, or in whatever symbolic way you choose. Hypnosis is very good at helping you to get rid of anxiety and fear even if you don't know why or what you are afraid of, and uses letting go exercises such as this, coupled with relaxation and post hypnotic suggestions to replace fears with healthier, more positive responses to stressors.
Talking things through with your midwife is a must as she can also add to suggestions of what to do to help you feel more comfortable...if you feel you can't say in front of yr little one, take a pad of paper and explain that you want help with something that you don't want lo overhearing and write it down to show her. It may be that going over what happened last time with your notes could explain what happened and likelihood of it happening again, how they are going to manage situation better etc.
Have you organised childcare for your lo when you are in labour? This is also sometimes the step that women need to have made before they feel comfortable and confident...knowing that your baby is going to be looked after by someone you trust and they are happy with when you are giving birth can also alleviate a lot of stress and anxiety that can trigger these emotions that you currently have too.
I really hope that this helps and that you are inspired and motivated to do more to eradicate this anxiety of death before the birth...the fact that you are already doing something must make you feel less anxious already, I'm sure, and I am certain you will be able to take some more positive steps to help yourself even more. Let me know how you get on xx

[Jeanette]

You are really quite amazing Lorraine to find the time to answer these worries. Thank you.

[BirthAffinity]

Thank you xxx

[Jenn]

Thanks Lorraine.

Yes I ave excellent cover for William in the form of my mum or sister depending on timing. Only day I haven't got cover is exactly a week late but hoping he is here before then!

Thanks Lorraine. Going to write my birth plan tonight with husband and have a good talk.

I think it is also helped that this time we are having to wait until due date. With William he was early so were really un=prepared and didn't have anything ready!or planned.

Will send your msg to Mike now so he can read it before tonight!

[XxJack~AcexX]

Ohh Jenn huni firstly big hugs huni those hormones really do make you feel and think these things.
Hope your ok hun.
Id def write it in your notes and when you can in labour speak to someone hun like Rachel said and express how you feel huni.
Im glad you've spoken up on here as like you said you feel a lil at ease when you no you have support.
Take care hun x