feeling guilty

[waxbutterfly]

my baby boy is just coming up for 4 weeks old. his father and i split just weeks before he was born, and without sounding like a cow, it was all down to his behaviour and treatment of me while i was pregnant.

I dont want to be with him ever again. He is visiting baby once a week but never fails to make me feel guilty for making the move to split with him and move back to my parents. When he visits, he has to leave before my dad gets back from work as my dad is still so angry by his behaviour. Watching him walking away hurts so much...I feel so so guilty that Oscar doesnt have his daddy around. I live in Rayleigh and he lives in Camden now so hes not even close by.

There is still so much hurt in me that I find it hard not to snap at him and we cant see eye to eye very well. His mother also interferes...when she visited, I felt she was judging me I hate him so much for the things he's done but Im constant told Im not allowed to express my anger at him and its eating me up.

He seems to think I should be grateful for him giving me £20 a week for the baby! Grateful!!!! Its his duty to provide for him

Its getting me down so much.

[Gina73]

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time of it. Sounds like you did the best thing though and made the break from him, was very brave of you to make that decision to put yourself and our son first. Breakups are never going to be easy when it is not a joint decision. At least you have the support of your parents. Once things have settled down am sure things will feel better.

There is a website that might be of use to you

http://www.babyblues.nhs.uk/how-can-we-help/#one

It is a local NHS service and it may just help to speak to someone not involved. Good luck x

[weezypops]

I agree with Gina, it really sounds like you did the right thing and you have nothing to feel guilty about - sometimes you have to make hard decisions like that and if he was treating you badly it doesn't sound like it would have been a good situation to bring a baby into. His Dad can still be a part of his life, even if it's not on a daily basis, you haven't done anything wrong.

Also, you can always vent on here - I think it does help to have a bit of a rant and get it all out, you shouldn't bottle it all up as it will definitely make it harder to get over. Sorry you're going through all of this!