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Due Date

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XxJack~AcexX
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Due Date

#1 Unread post by XxJack~AcexX » Sun Oct 12, 2008 9:13 pm

Hi ya ladies, please bare wiv me if i baffle as i dont really no what to write, my mind is a bit over the place at the mo.
It is helping for me to write this down.
As most of you no i found out i was preg in January, Dom (DH) and I were absolutely over the moon to be giving Jack a lil bro or sis and so were our family's. It wasnt until a few days before the 12 weeks scan i had some slight brown bleeing. Sorry if tmi for anyone. I called the hosp and they booked me in for a scan the next day at 9.30. We went for the scan, i was so sure everything was going to be ok we even took Jack with us to see his lil bro or sis on the screen, it was then they couldnt find anything with a norm scan on the belly so i had an internal scan. The lady done my scan internally and asked if i was sure of my dates and did i still have preg symptoms etc. I was still having so many symptoms inc the obvious of eating lots and the sickness. I still hadnt miscarriage even tho our baby had died.

From this point forward it hit me hard, we were told that our baby had died at 6 weeks and has no heart beat. I went through the pill option for the natural way, which was so hard, felt like i was letting go.
It really did take some time and still does to get used to. I no i wasnt so far gone that it was actually a baby, but it was our baby and a very wanted one at that.

The babys due date is this tues (14th October) and i feel a bit all over the place as it should be that we were holding our baby in our arms, and bringing him/her home.
Im not writing this so i get all the ohh and arrs but is helping me in a way, and a bit of a rememberance of our little angel in the sky.
Some people have suggested to me that i could go to the cemetry and go where they scatter the ashes from this, but i just feel that i would be too upset and it could make it so raw again.

I think that i will go and feed the ducks in the park with Jack and have some time with him. I keep giving him cuddles, knowing how lucky i am to have him. Dom is also so great and so supportive for me, i really cant complain, it hurt him too.

If ya still reading this thankyou. If anyone else has been through hard times too, im sorry you have had to go through such pain.

Take care xx
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Im Gemma, mummy to my 2 gawjus boys. Im married to my childhood love Dom xXx


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#2 Unread post by Gina73 » Sun Oct 12, 2008 9:33 pm

I miscarried at 15 weeks, i started bleeding one night on the toilet. I know how you feel, i hadnt even started showing and hadnt even had a scan so never got to see the baby. We had only told everyone we knew at our wedding when i was 12 weeks pregnant, we thought we were safe to tell everyone. I can still feel that feeling of loss although i never knew the baby. It was difficult when we kept bumping into friends from the wedding and had to go through explaining that there wasnt a baby anymore. We decided to try again and Mia was born 1 year to the day that we loss the first baby. It has made the day a happy day and means we will never forget the day we lost our first child.

If you ever want to talk let me know, I know it is painful and I still shed a tear for the baby we never got to meet.
Mum to Mia & Mason, wife to Steve - life is for living.

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#3 Unread post by XxJack~AcexX » Sun Oct 12, 2008 9:59 pm

Ahh thanks Gina, yeah i really am finding things hard at the mo.
Im so sorry you have had to go through a m/c too. It really does hurt doesnt it.
That so amazing that Mia was born the day you lost your first baby a year on. She certainly is a lil love bless her.
That feeling of the loss will never leave me i no, not that i want it too.
I cuddle my lil man knowing that im so so grateful to have him. He really does put a smile on my face when i need it. Im sure Mia does for you too.
You take care too huns, and i hope things do get easier for you too. x x
Thanks for the reply x
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#4 Unread post by Jeanette » Sun Oct 12, 2008 10:55 pm

I read this and thought, 'Oh how awful, what do I say?', so came out of the thread but then saw how many people had read it and obviously felt the same and couldn't respond.
You must be feeling very down at this time of the babies due date. I just cannot imagine how you are feeling.
It's better for you to let out the grieving that is still there and will be for a long time, than to keep it bottled up.
Take comfort from the family you have.
We are here to listen.
Mum to Louise and Andrew, Nanny to Felix, Iris, Dexter and Charlie.

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#5 Unread post by BrandonsMum08 » Mon Oct 13, 2008 12:25 am

I too have miscarried. It was my 20th birthday last year (30th march), i was feeling quite queezy but put it down to my cold. I didnt even suspect that i was pregnant as me and Andy had only been together 2months but the day after my birthday he convinced me to do a test, even though i was pretty adamant that i wasnt pregnant. A very faint line appeared and we both burst out laughing in shock, but after sinking in overnight we was quite happy. OH dropped me home the following day (1st april) as he had work, id had a few aches but id had them for about 2 weeks, but shortly after he had left for work i started bleeding, so i called my friend and she came to the hospital with me. They left we waiting for about 2hours in Majors, then had an internal examination as it was a sunday and an ultrasound wasnt an option until monday afternoon. The gynaecologist said the neck of my womb was closed so i could be lucky and everything be ok. I kind of got my hopes up overnight but it didnt stop me worrying. Then Monday morning i had a bigger bleed, and once i got my scan at 2.30pm they told me the baby had died and come out as there was no trace of it except for the womb still being tilted or something.
Im not sure why but i only ever cried twice about it, and that was at the hospital and once back at Andys. He seemed more upset than me. As much as i wanted that baby, i think because id only known i was pregnant for a couple of days, i hadnt quite got my head around it yet to be able to feel something. I would have been due End of Nov 07.

I then fell pregnant with Brandon a few months later, and i worried so much as i had those same pains for several weeks from about 4weeks, as well as a couple of bleeds which stopped after first trimester. It wasnt until i could feel him moving that i stopped worrying so much.
I never got a chance to think about when my baby would have been due because my bestfriend and her boyfriend were killed in a car accident at the end of Oct 07 which really affected me at the time, and being pregnant and having that on my mind i never thought about it and i feel bad about it now.

Im a big believer in fate, whats meant to be will be etc and i truely believe those babies were sent temporarily to test us and make us appreciate what we have now and what we have to come in the future.

Im not sure if you're "into" spiritulist stuff, but if you are i highly recommend going to see a medium. It was a huge comfort to me when my mum died. Most recently i saaw someone when i was pregnant and she told me my baby was with my mum, the first baby i miscarried a few years ago and another baby who was my mums. Although they cant exactly help you, just hearing them say general things you have said/done/thought and the fact the passed over do acknowledge everything you do and say can be a nice relief and comfort.

Hope you feel better soon. A nice day out for you, DH and Jack might help too.
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#6 Unread post by nubs » Mon Oct 13, 2008 7:52 am

I will be thinking of you tomorrow, I hope you have a lovely day with Jack xx I'm sure your little angel will be the brightest star in the sky tomorrow night to let mummy know they are ok xx
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#7 Unread post by artyfartymack » Mon Oct 13, 2008 9:51 am

Couldn't possibly imagin going through what you have huns, but my thoughts are with you at this sad time. I think I too would just cuddle my baby and let him know how special he is to you. I'm sure your angel will be looking down on you and enjoying the ducks just as much as Jack. xxx
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#8 Unread post by weezypops » Mon Oct 13, 2008 10:10 am

Gemma, it must be a really hard thing to deal with, but I think you're doing the right thing by honouring your baby here.
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#9 Unread post by mitchellmonkey » Mon Oct 13, 2008 1:34 pm

Like Janette said, it's so hard to know what to say, i can't even begin to imagine what you must be going though, i'm so sorry. You remember your little angel how ever you want to, i'm sure he/she will be watching while you go and feed the ducks with Jack xx
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XxJack~AcexX
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#10 Unread post by XxJack~AcexX » Mon Oct 13, 2008 1:50 pm

I just want to say thankyou to you all for your replys, it means alot, it helped for me to write it all down as much as im not looking forward to tomorrow, i have my lil man and he certainly does put that smile back on my face.
Thanks again girlies. xx

Brandonsmum, i do agree also that things happen for a reason, and things are left to fate.

I also had a m/c before having Jack and i didnt no i was pregnant, it was only early, i was on the pill at the time so didnt think it would happen, it wasnt until it was all confirmed by the docs that what happened was a m/c. It did upset me that i didnt no but i didnt have it as a confirmed preg with the hosp so my dates werent worked out either, it hurt but no where near to how i feel this time round, knowing that i was carrying my baby for what i thought was 12 weeks and to be told that our baby had died was awful. I no m/c are more common now days for some reason, but its just so hard.

Thanks again for letting me baffle on x
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Im Gemma, mummy to my 2 gawjus boys. Im married to my childhood love Dom xXx

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#11 Unread post by Nikki_24 » Mon Oct 13, 2008 9:40 pm

Hi Gemma,
Big hugs to you and especially for tomorrow, hope the day goes exactly as you want it to.

I had a miscarriage before Izzy when I was almost 10 weeks. It was the worse experience of my life and some of the things you have mentioned have bought it all flooding back, i know how you're feeling. I hope you're ok, always here if you need to chat.

xxxx

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#12 Unread post by XxJack~AcexX » Mon Oct 13, 2008 9:44 pm

Thanks Nikki. Im sorry it has bought things up for you huns. I hope you got through your bad times and still do. It is hard yer, but things have to go on, and im sure tomorrow will feel strange, but i no that i have my lil man and believe me im so so grateful to have him.
You take care too. x
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#13 Unread post by xJuliex » Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:22 am

Gemma, many hugs to you. I am thinking of you today!!
Julie
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#14 Unread post by Gina73 » Tue Oct 14, 2008 1:03 pm

Thinking of you today hun x
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#15 Unread post by Nicola1984 » Tue Oct 14, 2008 2:08 pm

Thinking Of You Today Gemma xxx
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