New name disaster - Girl this time though!

[lea-marie]

Andy and I have had a clear front runner for a girl since before we got pregnant, however the name that we have may cause some controversy amongst people I know. It is a name that we both love, and it has meaning and sentiment to Andy (he has picked the name and it is linked with his nan's name, who was a very important part of his life growing up and is sadly no longer with us), however, last year, a girl I know had a stillbirth, and she named her daughter by this name. This girl isn't exactly in my general group of friends (she's more of a friend of a friend) but we have always been friendly, and known each other since school/college. I messaged her today explaining that we wanted to use the name should we have a girl -The name is quite an unusal one, so there aren't many children called it. I messaged her because I didn't want it to be a not-so-pleasant surprise if/when we announced it. But she has sent a reply stating that I'd be out of order to use the name as it was her daughter's name and that she had kicked off before when someone else she knew wanted to use the name - Now I'm not sure what to do? The name is important to Andy, but it looks like I'm going to cause upset by naming our baby that?

[weezypops]

To be perfectly honest, I would probably avoid using the name, even if it was one I loved. I don't think you would be out of order to use it necessarily but it's not something I would do myself, especially if it's an unusual name. If you're not really that close to her maybe that wouldn't be too big a deal but I think you would have to be prepared to lose her as a friend as she's said that it would hurt her for you to use it. So I suppose it depends on which is more important to you. As I say, I don't think you would necessarily be in the wrong but can understand why she would be upset if you used it, if that makes sense. I think people have different feelings about this - for some it might be an honour to have the child's name used, for others it's just too raw - I don't think there's a wrong or right.

[lea-marie]

Yeah, I understand all that, which is why I messaged her in the first place, but as I said, the name is important to Andy and he is nothing to do with this girl. It is a name that he has picked and it's a name that feels right to both of us.
I'm worried about upsetting her, but at the same time, like I said, we're not exactly 'friends', more friendly acquantances, so it wouldn't necessarily have a big impact on my life should our friendship cease, iykwim?
I normally would have just dropped it, but it's the fact that it means a lot to Andy that I'm torn...

[weezypops]

Could you use it as a middle name instead?

[lea-marie]

Maybe...

[Schmushe]

I would have a massive issue if someone chose Nathan's name. I know its common and I hear it everywhere but I would find it really uncomfortable hearing it continually or seeing baby pics etc. as much as I probably would pretend I'd be ok I don't think I would be.
If she's not really a friend and your dead set on the name then maybe go the decent thing and delete her so she doesn't have to have it 'in her face' all the time. You may find its not even an issue if you have a boy so maybe hold off. But if your having a girl maybe just tell her its for Andy etc. and hope she understands.
It really does bring back a lot to hear a name x

[lea-marie]

Thanks Michelle - I guess as I've never been quite in that position, I don't fully understand how painful it would be...

I have discussed it fully with her now, and explained the importance of the name for Andy to her and she's eased up somewhat. I did say that I would remove her from my friends list etc if she would prefer should it come about, but she has said that while it would be painful, she'd be fine with us staying as friends etc. This may change but I'm prepared for that, and it seems she is too.

[XxJack~AcexX]

Ahh Lea it must be hard as the fact that you thought about her in the first place etc shows that you wouldn't want top upset her.
I think defo wait and see how things go as when you find out wether bubs is Pink or Blue, atleast this will of course help with the name choice. x