A Mum’s Experience: emotions regarding a surprise pregnancy
For women actively trying to conceive seeing a positive pregnant test someway along the line is expected but finding out at almost 17 weeks is the probably one of the biggest shocks of your life, trust me!
‘Unplanned’ is a word I hated hearing when I told people I was pregnant, ‘were you trying?’, a question I hated being asked, well yes I was doing a lot of what you call ‘trying’ but not to have a baby! As well as being on the pill and having polystistic ovaries, I was 22, been with my partner for only 9 months, I had paid off a once in a lifetime road trip to the travel the USA and I was thriving in my career – a baby wasn’t part of my plan at that moment. I was out drinking most nights after work as was everyone else, booked a girls holiday to Magaluf and was looking forward to our first holiday as a couple to Tenerife.
Apparently you subconsciously know when you are pregnant before you find out, I’m a very matter-of-fact person, black is black, white is white but in the months leading up to me finding out I was offered a seat on the train more than once. I was embarrassed at the time, worried I had put on weight, laughed to my friends about it & family admitted after we found out they had thought I was looking ‘rounder’ (thanks guys!) but other than those inklings I was had absolutely no idea I had been harbouring a foetus for so long!
Family and friends asked all the time ‘how did you not know!?’, I have polystistic ovaries, I can probably count on one hand how many cycles I have each year, being in a new relationship I was hitting the gym more than usual so that kept the weight off and if I hadn’t of found out that week, I have no idea when I would of known, there were 100% no ‘symptoms’, no morning sickness, no fatigue (any more than usual) & definitely no bump. I have always been told by doctors (I had a kidney out when I was young and medication I was given back then carries a risk of not being able to have children), that I have a low chance of falling pregnant given the circumstances.
So this is how I found out..
I had been feeling a bit under the weather the week before we were due to go on holiday, so I suspected a urine/kidney infection, I bought a pregnancy test on my way home from work as the doctors usually ask me to do a test to rule it out before giving me antibiotics. I got home and did the test, chucked it on the side and started watching Prison Break and forgot about it as I had done it 100 times before and don’t expect anything. This time I was very much mistaken..
About an hour later I remembered and went back and picked it up,
‘2-3 weeks pregnant’
I laughed and my OH looked at me I couldn’t even speak I just kept laughing and passed it to him. I’m a nervous laughter, once I start I can’t stop, he just stared for a long time and didn’t say much then it started to hit me. We spoke for a long time that night about what we wanted to do, what he thought, what I thought and there was no doubt in my mind that I wouldn’t have the baby but we had only been together a short while as awful as I sound, he had to feel like he had a choice too.
I’m an only child and extremely close to my Mum so I begged him we had to tell my Mum which he reluctantly agreed to go downstairs and tell her, I knew she wouldn’t judge or tell me what to do, but I couldn’t be in the same house as her and not tell her she knows when somethings up and I was right, she grinned when we showed her the test and told me she would support whatever we decided – her reaction was what he needed to hear, she was there for us, she didn’t get excited, she didn’t get upset she was placid and calm which is exactly what I needed her to be with how shocked we felt I needed calm!
We slept on it, I got up went to work as normal and came home. The next morning I woke up and felt so lethargic and was horrified that I was bleeding. I had just started getting my head round having a baby all the excitement and fulfilment I had felt was suddenly replaced by fear. I made an emergency doctor’s appointment who suspected I was having an ectopic pregnancy due to the symptoms and referred me to the hospital for an emergency scan. My OH met us at the hospital with my Mum and Dad, in the waiting room I passed out too so was given a side room to sit in. It was all so surreal I had literally the day before found out I was pregnant now I was having all the symptoms. After what felt like forever we were called in for an internal Doppler, within seconds a strong heartbeat filled up the room and I cried out and looked at my OH, my baby was ok! I said to the nurse ‘I can’t believe they have a heartbeat so early on’, at this point according to the test I was 2-3 weeks pregnant. She replied ‘no love, from the sounds of that you are well over 14 weeksthat is a strong heartbeat, congratulations!’. How my OH didn’t fall off his chair I will never know, you have never seen a man go so white so quickly!
I was asked to come back for a scan the following week but after going from finding out I was pregnant, to 2-3 weeks pregnant, to bleeding, to having a Doppler and a nurse telling me I am over 14 weeks I was in no way prepared to come back so I demanded a scan that day and dug my heels in! I needed to know! Some tears later they agreed for me to come back in an hour and scan me, so we went to get something to eat.
In preparation I drunk a load of water, avoided the toilet as advised so by the time we got to the waiting room I was bursting for the toilet! Luckily we were whisked in quickly and awaited the screen. At first the sonographer turned the screen away from us, I expect in case there were problems they wanted to pick up on first but after a minute or so she turned the screen, ‘I estimate you at 16 weeks 6 days’ and there he was (not that I knew it was a he) my big baby, I couldn’t hold in the tears I was in total shock and guilt overwhelmed me, I had gone zorbing, done a 14k mud run for charity, indoor skydived, flew, smoked cigarettes, drunk alcohol, taken not one shred of folic acid or vitamin, been on sunbeds and been to loud concerts. Pretty much everything on the list of ‘DON’TS’ in the first trimester and here on the screen was a baby, my baby, in me!
The sonographer asked if we wanted to know the sex there and then and we both declined, finding out your pregnant, in the second trimester with a kicking baby is enough for one day! I invited my Mum and Dad in, they still had no idea how far along they expected I was, they were speechless and excited.
We got print offs and left the hospital to tell my OH’s family, on the way he was so nervous, but they couldn’t of been happier they were all overjoyed with our news and of course shocked! Over the next few days we told family members and close friends, I was still in shock and we both wanted to stay in our happy bubble without the world knowing for a bit longer. We announced on Facebook whilst we were on holiday, it was as though all of a sudden the baby had enough staying a secret and my bump popped right out the next week! We spent that week on holiday discussing names, genders and eyeing up every baby pram in sight!
At 21 weeks we had the scan and found out we were having a boy which just increased every emotion I had by 10,000, I was having a boy!! I was overjoyed, when we initially found out I was adamant I wanted a girl but being told it was a boy confirmed what I wanted deep down.
I had my baby shower, bought the cot, carrycot pram system, upteem sets of baby clothes and had another holiday in the months that followed, a bump looks good in a bikini and I loved showing it off! I really did love my bump and everything about it! I had two more scans at 28 weeks and 32 weeks to make sure that he had no kidney issues, like me, and it was all clear and we got to see him twice more! He was growing rapidly and I kept getting told I would have a big baby!
A week before my due date I found out that I had GBS (Strep B) & would need to contact the hospital as soon as my waters broke to be put on IV’s to feed the baby but other than that no complications.
My due date was Friday 13th but Frankie decided to come a week early and on Tuesday 3rd November my waters broke late evening and at 10:18am Thursday 5th November out he came weighing 7lbs 14oz (not quite as easy as that ha ha *shudders at remembering*) at 38 weeks pregnant.
I had a surprise pregnancy and of course I wouldn’t change my little boy for the world but your emotions when finding out, during the pregnancy and adapting to becoming a Mother is a big shock to the system.
My advice to anyone else that has a surprise pregnancy is to,
Digest that you are pregnant before telling the world, no one suspects so don’t put it on social media yet – your music teacher from year 10 doesn’t need to know until you are 100% comfortable.
Sway towards finding out the gender – until I found out what I was having I will admit I wasn’t 100% engaged, when I found out I was having a boy the missing piece slotted in and my emotions geared up.
Only you know what is best for you – your baby, your body, your choice
Go on holiday as much as you can! – I went away with the girls and my family and OH, getting away whilst your pregnant is not only a welcome break from work and decorating a nursery it helps relax you in the lead up to the big event LABOUR!
Be organised, you may not have as long as most expectant mums do, don’t overwhelm yourself, write lists, surf the net for discounts
Lastly, get excited! You have less time than most pregnancies so visit every baby shop in the county, order milestone cards for every occasion and get that overly expensive Babygro to bring them home in! (you won’t be able to justify it when you’re on maternity leave)!
